so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
