listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
