Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
