He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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