Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
