I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
