His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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