I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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