matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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