What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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