if i can run in heels then i can drive
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
