Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
