It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I looked at my own cervix.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
