Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
