The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
