I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
