Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
