I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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