so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
not ubering you a puppy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
