Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
