you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
