sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
