The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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