last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
