Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
