You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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