it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
