Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
