i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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