my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
