The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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