I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
