I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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