you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
