Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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