She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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