You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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