You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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