she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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