I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
