Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you.
Bad choice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
