i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
