U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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