I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
