ugly people sure do ruin things
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
