I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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