Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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