lets start a swedish sibling band together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
