would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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