i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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