his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
