We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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