my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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