There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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