Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
