I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
