if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
