guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
