Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
