my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I cut my penus on the lid.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My bed smells like the plague
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
